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I am tired of ignoring my ex. Is it really necessarily to still ignore each other? I don’t think so, we broke up in June and he was the one that “never” wanted to talk to me again because I hurt him. I broke up with him because I was loosing feelings for him, he asked me to think about it because he didn’t want to throw away our relationship. It might not have been the greatest idea to say “ok, i’ll think about it” because later at night he hung out with this girl and he was all flirty. Rumors have been going that he wanted to break up with me first because I wanted to break up with him. WHO DOES THAT?! ARE YOU SO EMBARRASSED ? This honestly bothered me. That’s why I changed my relationship status to single. He got super angry and kept swearing and yelling at me, which made him angrier. He ended up deleting me on facebook, and ignoring me.

Later in August-ish he got my cell number and texted me saying “hey, i was wondering how you were doing”. We talked for a little bit and then he asked “By this I just wanted to say I’m sorry, for all the shit i said, in all honesty half the shit I said I didn’t even care a lot about because I just wanted to make myself angrier and angrier. I really over reacted” <- his exact words.

I will talk about French class; Because I was so embarrassed in French class I put my hands and head on the table. Looking away from my ex. He send me a text during class asking if we could talk after class. I was pretty stupid by ignoring the text and after class running to the washroom! Well.. he was with a friend of course, and what if he wanted to have a conversation with his friend to embarrass me?! So when I got out of the washroom I knew he left. I texted him and said we could talk tomorrow.
Now I’m not quite sure if I want to talk to him. I mean, he meant a lot to me back in those days. But because of his bipolar he skipped school a lot and I didn’t see him for a long time. That’s basically why I broke up with him because I didn’t know if I could trust him anymore. I still really care about him, I really do. And I don’t know if I can keep my feelings inside if I have this conversation with him tomorrow. I don’t know if I still have feelings for him. I also don’t want to embarrass myself by telling him i still really care about him and then him saying “ok, that’s nice to hear. But I don’t have feelings for you anymore.” I do not want to hear that. NOT AT ALL!!!!
When we were in a relationship he gave me this teddy bear, so I could always think about him. Guess what, I still have that bear. So what if I still care about him? This whole relationship got screwed up because he had bipolar.. and because he hung out with a girl at night… But I guess it’s also my fault, I didn’t let him explain himself to me either. But I was just so pissed.

I’ve been thinking.. what if he didn’t hang out with that girl at night or what if I gave him a opportunity to explain himself to me. Would we still be together? IF that could have happened we wasted the whole summer. I just cannot get over him. He meant or still means so much to me.

Like they say:

I may act like I don’t care about you, but there will always be a place in my heart for you.

This is how I think about him. but there is also another quote, which really makes sense to me:

You can’t start the next chapter of your life, if you’re too busy re-reading the last one.

Well, I basically just had to write this whooooooole story down, just to calm down a bit..